Aria's Life in Review: Day 8 - July 7, 2014

 This is how we spend most of our visits.  Just standing next to you, cuddling you as much as the NICU bed and all your tubes allow (which is basically just keeping a hand on you).

Aria's Life in Review: Day 7 - July 6, 2014

We had admired how the rest of the baby's in Aria's NICU room had cute Disney characters drawn on their station cabinets.  Today Aria joined the club!  Every time a baby left the NICU their animal would be erased, and the nurse who did them would create a new personalized one for the next baby.

This was a devastating day.  It was the day that her doctors sat down in a conference with us because most of Aria's preliminary tests had come back.  They had to break the news to us about the severity of her condition and that while she had stabilized, the tests showed that what was hurting her was genetic in nature and would never improve.  Her odds of living much longer were not good, and she would likely be hospitalized the rest of her life, whether short term in the NICU or long term in a care facility of some sort.

These were not the dreams we had for our little girl.  After our conference we were able to hold her for the second time.  I just held her and cried.  (Hence the tissues on my lap, which I actually just now noticed, haha)

Aria's Life in Review: Day 6 - July 5, 2014

We had to leave Bennett at home this day when we went to visit Aria because we wanted to have a longer visit than his 2 year old patience would allow.  He hadn't left our sides since I was released from the hospital the day before, including at night - he threw a fit when we tried to put him to bed in his room and only settled down when Mike let him fall asleep in his arms in our bed.  So he was NOT HAPPY when he realized he was not coming with us.  (Because of how this all happened with no preparation, poor Bennett had severe separation anxiety after Aria was born.  It took months before he was back to normal and wasn't nervous when I'd leave him with someone else.  So sad.)

This day, I had to leave a screaming and crying Bennett after half an hour of trying to console him.  I knew he was in good hands with his Nana and Papa, but it still broke my heart.  On the drive to the hospital I started crying and told Mike that I felt like both of my children really needed me and there was literally no way I could fully help either of them.  I felt like such a failure of a mother even though I knew there wasn't anything I could do.

This day I finally got to see that HAIR I had heard so much about!  And they were right - holy moly, that hair!  The day before I hadn't seen it because her head was wrapped in a bandage helmet because she was having an EEG done.  Her nurse today said that she had worked hard to scrub all the glue out of her hair that had held the wires in place.  She said that normally EEG placement on a baby is pretty easy, but that they probably had a hard time moving all of Aria's hair for each of the dozens of markers!

Aria's Life in Review: Day 5 - July 4, 2014

The moment I finally got to meet my daughter!!  I think the picture says it all :)

There were 4 babies in the room that day, but when we walked into her room my eyes immediately went to the first baby on the left.  The baby with its back to me, surrounded by machines, and head covered with bandages so that I couldn't even see the legendary hair.  But somehow I just KNEW she was mine!  I didn't even look at any of the other babies and sure enough, Mike started walking toward her bed.

Aria's Life in Review: Day 4 - July 3, 2014

This is the only day of Aria's life that we don't have any pictures from.  It makes me very sad :(  That is what happens when Mommy is in the hospital and Daddy is too busy running between both our hospitals coordinating things.

Aria's Life in Review: Day 3 - July 2, 2014

Today Mike's family flew in from NY.  It was the first flight they could get after we called them when Aria was born.  Mike picked them up from the airport and went straight to Primary Children's where my mom met them.  So Aria was able to meet Grammy, Nana, Papa, and Aunt Amanda that day!

Aria's Life in Review: Day 2 - July 1, 2014

I got to see my Bennett today!  He definitely was missing Mommy.  He enjoyed picking over my food.

Afterward, Mike took him to Primary Children's where he got to meet Aria!  My sisters and brother in law went too.  It was way past his bedtime and he was sleepy from falling asleep in the car, but he was still very interested in her.