Today I was forced to make a big step. I held another baby! Not by choice, but I survived. Phew.
I was with my friend and our kids and she went downstairs for a minute, and as soon as she left her baby girl (who was laying on the carpet) started to cry. It was like a scene from a movie - I looked in dismay at the crying baby, then at the stairs where my friend had just disappeared, then back to the baby.
You see, I hadn't held. . .or even touched. . . another baby since I last held Aria, 6 1/2 weeks ago. If I close my eyes I can still feel her little head of hair resting against my collarbone, that last day. I haven't wanted to touch another baby for fear of losing that. I have no problem being around other babies, I just don't really want to hold them.
But, I'm also not heartless. So I awkwardly picked up the baby and bounced her around until I could give her back a couple minutes later. I don't think my friend even realized anything weird had happened. Thankfully though, her baby is 4 months old so it really didn't feel at all like holding my tiny newborn. So my final memory is preserved.
that IS a big step. I never would have thought about that whole "final memory" thing, but it totally makes sense. I think I would want to keep that for as long as I could, too.
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