#ariachallenge

Lemme tell you a story. I know it's long (I don't know any other way) but bear with me. There's a challenge at the end of it for you.

Back in March, I was sitting in church one week. At the end of the lesson, one of the leaders took a minute to tell us about a situation with another family and asked us all to pray for them. She said that their newborn baby girl was sick and had been at Primary Children's for a few weeks and was not doing well. Tears instantly filled my eyes. I definitely have an extra soft heart for anyone else sent to that particular hospital since that's where Aria was, but then to hear that it was another newborn baby girl just like ours. My heart just broke for that mama knowing what she was going through, the emotions she must be feeling as she faced the possibility of losing her baby. I had never met these people before and I thought to myself, "Oh that poor mama. I hope someone does something to help her." Instantly, this thought popped into my mind: "YOU'RE someone, you idiot." Now, perhaps God didn't mean to be that harsh, but it sure felt like it :) I sure bet he was exasperated with how closed off and self-centered my mind had been since losing Aria and decided to just skip the gentle quiet promptings and give me a good kick in the pants instead.

With that startling realization, I started remembering about who truly made the difference for us during our time of trial. I distinctly remember being in the hospital those first couple days thinking how unfair it was that God couldn't have had this happen to me a couple months earlier when my friends would have been more available to support me. Three of my closest friends at the time had coincidentally also had baby girls just a couple weeks before me so while I completely understood that they were already tapped out from that life change, I felt like for the most part God was leaving me to handle this without much of a support system. How very wrong I was! Now of course our families and close friends did as much as they could and were absolutely amazing, but they also were emotionally distraught by the situation on their own behalf. Plus, a trial that big requires more. What we never expected to have happen was that over the next couple months, most of the kindness and support we received came from near strangers at the time. We had just moved a couple months prior so we hardly knew anyone in the neighborhood, but our neighbors flooded in with meals, kind texts and messages, babysitting offers, mowing our lawn, etc etc. Old friends we hadn't talked to much in years suddenly reached out and stayed with us through it all. As Aria's story became more public complete strangers would contact me by email to tell me that they had been affected by her story and wanted us to know that she mattered. Over and over again, the small and simple acts of caring from these strangers made up the bulk of our support each day. It always seemed like just when I felt like I couldn't survive another moment, someone would innocently send a text just letting me know they were thinking about us. So simple. Yet so life-changing.

Point #1: You don't have to know them. You don't have to do something big. Just do something!

So, remembering this, I resolved to do something to show this neighbor that I was aware of their situation and cared about them. . .at least for that day. However, it just happened to be an insanely busy week for me, plus I was very pregnant and exhausted all the time. All of a sudden a few days had passed by without me doing anything and I started to lose my nerve. I thought, "well, it's been several days, surely the time to do something has passed. . .I've missed my chance. . ." which is when God bellowed back, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???" and I remembered how pretty much the day after Aria's funeral, the bulk of the support of others faded away. I know that it wasn't for lack of caring, but it's so easy to think that because an EVENT has passed, so has the bulk of the EMOTION. In reality my daughter's death was all that mattered to me for the next several months and I would get annoyed when people would try to talk to me about more trivial things as if they mattered. I would have accepted an offer of condolence or act of kindness 3 months later just as greedily as I would have while she was alive.

Point #2: There is no expiration date on when your kindness will no longer be welcome!

So to finish my story. . .I got my nerve up and assembled a mini care package for their family with the help of another neighbor (whose own newborn baby, ironically, would be sent to Primary's 2 months later requiring her own community of support, which she received in spades. . .I'm telling you, karma is real). Because I'm a total dweeb who is super shy and self conscious I just stuck it in her mailbox along with a short letter telling her briefly about my experience and inviting her to contact me if she ever wanted to talk.

She contacted me later that same night.

Long story short (hahaha, way too late for that), over the next several months we have gotten to know each other better. I call her my friend now. Her baby, blessedly, still fights a long hard road but is home now. And we even share a nanny :)

This experience changed me. It was the starting point to help bring me out of the darkness I had let myself go to during this last pregnancy where I gave in to all my fears and bitterness. I was so focused on my own trials I was ignoring the needs of others. While of course I was always happy to do any service for others when asked, I realized I was missing out on so many opportunities for service simply because I was busy or self-absorbed or it just didn't cross my mind to do anything personally more than sympathize. So many simple, small acts made a difference in my life. I want to be able to do that for others! So, starting that week in March, I made a goal and dedicated it to Aria's upcoming birthday that was a few months away. My goal was to actively LOOK for opportunities to reach out. When I heard of things others were going through, instead of just feeling bad for them I wanted to DO something.

Right off the bat, there were a couple big trials of others that were presented. A friend's daughter that was diagnosed with cancer. Another friend's baby sent to the hospital. I was able to offer meals, texts, play dates, etc and felt like I made a difference.

But there were many less significant events too that I started noticing. . .things I wouldn't normally do much about. Someone whose husband was on a business trip leaving her alone with their little kids for the first time. A new mom who was having a hard time adjusting. House projects for someone that had become way too stressful. A family worried over an upcoming move. Etc etc. I started keeping a journal of my efforts and feel like it has helped increase my awareness of others. I have been amazed by how many "small trials" I have been able to be more aware of simply by trying!

This is how you start: If you hear about something going on that moves you, do something about it. Simply put, If you FEEL it, ACT on it!

Most of the time I don't do anything huge - just texts to check in with them and see how things are going and asking what I can do to help make things a little easier for them. Or treats. It's always a good excuse to make a big batch of treats and drop off plates for anyone who might need an extra smile that day (because leftovers!) I hope I make a difference here and there in someone's day. It sure makes a difference in mine.

So. This is my CHALLENGE. The #ariachallenge. Aria's "angel day" is coming up this Thursday the 18th. And I find myself more and more of an emotional wreck the closer it gets. I could sure use the knowledge that her short life has affected others to be more aware of those around them, no matter how big or small the trial. Look for an opportunity to serve someone this week. It doesn't have to be big. Just a text to someone who might be in need of a boost. Or maybe even a thank you note to someone whose made a difference during a hard time for you. I'd love if you go to Aria's FB page (https://www.facebook.com/babyarialynn) or back here to the blog and share your #ariachallenge with me. But it's okay too if you want to keep it private.

Let's put some extra good into the world this week.