The Hands that Help

I feel like it would be very ungrateful of me to not mention a huge act of service that has recently made a huge difference in our lives.  I don't know if it's the holidays or the natural ebb and flow of the grieving process, but I have been feeling very "broken" this past month missing my Aria.  I have always been the type of person to just suffer quietly and put on a happy face for everyone else so I didn't expect any extra attention with everyone so busy getting ready for Christmas.  But then two weeks ago we had a late night doorbell, and when we opened the door there was a gift on our porch and a note explaining that we would be receiving "12 Days of Christmas" gifts along with a nativity piece each night.  Last night we received our final piece and were able to finally meet and thank the several families involved.  I was so overwhelmed each night by this act of kindness and the knowledge that there were so many people taking time out of their day to do something nice for us.  I frequently shed tears at our nightly doorbell-ditch when I was reminded of that.  I don't think they had any idea how much this touched our hearts.

This has definitely not been an isolated event these past few months.  We have received so many acts of kindness while we've been mourning our Aria.  There's no way I can remember all of them in one sitting but just to mention a few:

• Our bishopric came and visited us at 11pm one night in the hospital because that was the only time we could fit them in
• I had several close friends who visited me in my hospital in the days following the C-section when I was alone because Michael was at a different hospital with Aria.  They just sat and listened while I tried to process what was happening.
• Our neighbors mowed our lawn for almost two months straight.
• Our neighbors organized a neighborhood effort to finish working on our front yard which we had started right before Aria was born - they manicured our lawn and trees and even planted our flowerbeds.
• Almost everyone I personally invited to come to the NICU to see Aria made the effort to come, even though it is a huge pain and a long drive for a 20 minutes NICU visit (but oh how grateful I am that other people besides family were able to meet her in real life!  And how grateful and surprised I was that pretty much everyone left with leaky eyes)
• We had meals brought to us for a week after I was discharged from the hospital.
• So many people stepped in to help with playdates for Bennett so that I could make my daily NICU visits.
• Our immediate families deserve a post all of their own really, but they did so much in the way of taking care of us and Bennett and making themselves available with little to no notice.
• A friend I hadn't talked to in years sent Bennett a book all the way from where she now lives in England.
• Several friends sent gifts or flowers, both after Aria was born and also when she passed away.  
• Our employers were both so incredibly supportive and understanding and gave us as much time as we needed with no pressure, as well as sending gifts and attending Aria's funeral.
• I actually had 3 different offers from sweet friends/relatives who offered to make a funeral gown for Aria.
• Aria's sweet nurses still keep in contact with us.  We owe those ladies our lives and sanity during those NICU weeks!
• I have a drawer full of cards and notes that people wrote to us with how Aria affected them.
• Mike had a friend who sent him a box of comic books as a "pick me up."
• Our extended families participated in a family fast near the end of Aria's life to help us feel peace about what needed to be done.
• Our brother-in-law took a day off work to help us take professional photographs - the only family photos we will ever have with Aria.  They will hang on our wall the rest of our lives.
• Another NICU mom whose sweet baby passed away a month before Aria contacted me and was so sweet and supportive during the initial grieving process.
• All of the staff at Primary Childrens who were always so kind to us and never rushed us into decisions and always treated our concerns with respect.
• Our old ward we moved from earlier this year who sent cards and little gifts up with a friend of ours.
• A couple close friends who came and just spent hours at our house cleaning, cooking, and playing with Bennett while I just walked around dazed.  
• Everyone who took the time to come to Aria's funeral, even though it was in the middle of a workday.  It was an open invitation and we were surprised and touched by some of the people who came that we might not have normally expected.
• A couple people gave me certificates for salon services to de-stress
• My coworkers stepped in without complaint while I missed so much work over the summer
• All the many, many people who leave comments on our blog or Facebook posts.  We love knowing people care!
• ....and so, so much more. 

My whole life, I have been very blessed to be on the giving side of acts of kindness like this.  These past few months I have been broken and battered with heartache, but I have been saved and humbled over and over again as I have been on the receiving end of so much love and kindness sent our way.  At least once a week I have someone different who randomly emails or texts just to let me know they're still thinking about us and these little "love notes" keep me going for days.  And the people who aren't afraid to bring up Aria in conversation (I love talking about her!) I am so blessed to know so many wonderful people in my life and am so grateful for all of you.